A Lack of Maturity

By Dan Boyce (The Lord of the Stats)

 

(We’ve had some technical difficulties on the site and for that we all apologize.  This is a way of getting you the valuable information that you would not get from just any idiot, just this one.)

 

Well, this promises to be the most successful week for the Cleveland Browns this season.  Yes, I know, they have a win this year, and I’m a firm believer that I would rather win ugly than lose looking good, but the Browns have zero chance of playing poorly this week, which you can’t say about anything else they’ve done.

 

Don’t let the shake up in Berea fool you.  Kokinis’ roll with the club was as important as that guy four cubes over from you that comes in at 9:30, checks out his fantasy leagues until lunch, disappears for an hour and a half, then surfs porn all afternoon until he leaves at 4:00.  If nothing else, he’ll be lucky to be forgotten in the long list of failures in Cleveland – his tenure was shorter than that of Doug Pederson’s or Spergeon Wynn’s.  This shake up helps keep them in the media for a week while they are off.  As the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.”  The one encouraging thing for anyone who did not like Mangenius/Boywonder is that both that were canned were his personal choices, which usually means that the line at the chopping block is shorter for him than for most. 

 

Randy had to look concerned.  When Dawg Pound Mike threatened a Brown out* it was an opportunity for Randy to show a couple of fans that really does care, that this matters to him.  I wish I was a fly on the wall for that conversation:

 

Lerner’s Secretary:  “Mr. Lerner, there’s someone named Mike here to see you.  He’s got a dog bone on his head and I’m not sure why.”

 

Lerner:  “GOAL!!  What?!  Oh, that guy, one minute!”

 

(Throws on a shirt to cover up his Aston Villa jersey)

 

Lerner:  “Send him in.”

 

And cut!

 

*-On the list of idiotic ideas, where does this one rank?  Think about the logic here:  OK, don’t go in right away, miss the kickoff, and we’ll roll in now because we already bought the damn tickets and PSL’s, so they still have us by the balls!  That’ll show ‘em!!!

 

From there, Randall Pink Floyd could have stepped in and talked about the top priorities of the offseason and DPM, Big Dawg, Little Dawg, Atta Dawg, etc. all would have bought it; I guarantee you at least one of them is an Aerosmith fan.  At that point it’s about what they want to hear, and Randy knows that.  He knows the right things to say and do, which is why he’s one of the few American owners in the Premier League that is actually liked by his fans.

 

Across the pond, he has to be successful in the W-D-L (Won-Draw-Loss; that’s how they do it Europe) categories because that’s how he has to make money.  In the NFL (As Terry Pluto once elegantly put it), he could put an empty football helmet on the fifty and would still get 20-30 Thousand to show up.  Even if they didn’t, the television money alone would make a profit.*

 

*-BTW, something totally unrelated to this, the most profitable team in the history of basketball has got to be the Spirits of St. Louis.  When the ABA merged with the NBA in 1976, part of the deal was that the Spirits folded, and for that they receive 1/7 of a share of the television revenue from each of the four ABA teams (Denver, San Antonio, Indiana, and New Jersey) FOREVER.  Think about this for a moment:  They also got paid $2.2 million to fold their franchise, and now they get paid to sit around and play bingo at the local church.  That cut is worth approximately $150 million!  I’ve read this in two different books (“Loose Balls” by Terry Pluto and “The Book of Basketball” by Bill Simmons) and I’m still baffled by this.

 

Anyway, Randy vowed to do something, so he emptied a vacant office, and fired another of Mangini’s recommendations (who was his babysitter in New York), once again, cosmetic things that have as much to do with winning football games as the NFL Network’s series on the San Diego Chargers’ Cheerleader Calendar.  The bigger things will happen from here on out.

 

Like in 1985 when he was picked up in the Supplemental Draft, Browns fans were happy to see local boy Bernie Kosar added to the mix.  I’m skeptical for one main reason:  If his knowledge is so vast about player personnel, how come no one has been knocking at his door throughout the league?

 

My major problem is that as usual, Browns fans are in a rut and trying to reminisce towards the past, with the idea of bringing in Marty, Ernie, and Bernie in order to recreate the almost magic that was some 20 years ago.

 

Hey, I enjoy sports history more than many people.  I have several books at home describing old players and teams, and I constantly use them as a reference.  That doesn’t mean I want a part of my past to be the key in building the future.

 

To be honest, I don’t care if the next GM can find Cleveland on a map; the plane will land in Hopkins and Randy will have someone drive him to Berea.  I really don’t care if he cares about the tradition; that will exist regardless.  The past is too far behind and the future of the franchise is far more important.  So far the tradition of the Cleveland Browns has netted this expansion team a 55-113 record while being outscored by 16.4 points per game this season (the previous worse was 16.1 in 2000; I worded this wrong in a previous blog where I was trying to describe how bad the defense was.  Sorry about that.).  This team needs above all else direction.  They remind me of that younger brother who never seems to mature as quickly as he should (or as my buddy, Mike, described it, “Oh!  Canada!”).  The Browns as a franchise have not matured.  They rely on a fan base that is almost loyal to a fault, but those days are numbered and they have to grow up fast. . .

 

Dan Boyce is the Sports Editor for TheSportsHole.com.  Along with his “Lord of the Stats” blog, Dan does frequent front page columns and his podcast, “The Boyce of the People”.  Anyone with any thoughts or comments can reach Dan here.

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One Response to “A Lack of Maturity”

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